April 8th, 2008
|12:37 am - Whoa.... I thought she died???|
Everything is still okay
totally psyched that I found Blake again. <3 ya!! Itz been so fun chillin with u in MD
Will, are you still around? I've missed ya.
Something great is happening to me, I love it...so much. <3
Current Mood: in love
Current Music: Where da hood at? -DMX
November 30th, 2005
|06:36 pm - holy wow.. i gotta pee|
omg guyz i miss u. check the xanga.. it gives detail.
for will and blake and my LJ buddies.. my cell got smashed and I lost ur numbers. :-(
if u'd like me to have them email me firstname.lastname@example.org
and i can give u my home number til i get a new one.
i love you still!!
<3<3<3 for will
and brownie points x 1000 for blake
hello to evan and my other wonderful LJ buddies as well.
Current Mood: rushed
August 2nd, 2005
|11:44 am - Happy Birthday to Me. :-)|
itz my bday.:-)
would appreciate some nice commentz.
I love ya all.
Thanks to everyone whose already wished me a happy bday. :-)
Current Mood: lonely
May 15th, 2005
|08:58 pm - wow, been awhile.|
so itz been awhile but I'll try to update this soon, talking on the phone right now with a special someone. :-) :-P
lol, I love y'all. :-D *hugz*
Current Mood: exhausted
Current Music: How Do I Live? - LeAnn Rimes
April 15th, 2005
meh, I love you..
Current Mood: hyper
April 5th, 2005
|03:18 pm - please help if you can!|
Mmkay, so I need your help. Anyone around this area will be able to help me. I just hope you will.
I'm raising money to contribute to a Jesse Maurer Memorial Scholarship for my graduation project this year.
Jesse Maurer was my best friend, and he passed away three years ago. His family and I are close and his father has previously given $200 to a student every year as a small scholarship. I'm going to contribute to this to help out the Maurers.
Two of my sponsorships are happening right here in Shamokin, Pennsylvania.
First off, Super Wal*Mart! April 16, a Saturday 12-4 I'm hosting a car wash down there. So please come and have your car washed! I need as many people as I can get.
Also, in Shamokin. April 25, a Monday night, at Bonanza's (a restaurant in town), I'm holding a little thing from 5-8. All you have to do is come to eat! That's it. But first if you want to help me you need to tell me so I can fill out a ticket for you. If I don't see you, please include your address so I can send it to you because I can not give them out the night of the dinner. I'll get 20% of how much they make off of people who came in with my ticket. You don't have to buy the ticket, it's just so they can keep track of who came to sponsor me.
Please help, anything would be really appreciated! Thank you.
Also, any other ideas to raise money would be appreciated.
*I can't always be waiting, waiting on you. I can't always be playing, playing your fool. I'm playing my part, but it's not my scene. I've had enough mystery. You're building me up, and shooting me down. But I'm already down... just wait a minute..*
*If tears could build a stairway, and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.*
Current Mood: determined
Current Music: sitting waiting wishing- jack johnson
April 2nd, 2005
Today I thought of a post in my xanga (http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=Car_Drifters_Fan) I made back in September, the day Sean left for Georgia. I went back to find the post, and honestly, if you weren’t “around” when I made all those posts, it wouldn’t be such a bad idea to check some of them out. They seem to have more potential, and some even have more happiness than most of my posts these days. Anyway, this is the post:
And if there’s one thing I've learned over this seemingly long 3 day weekend, it's that there are no guarantees. In this life, there are no guarantees. I let a secret out I swore I'd hold inside forever, because if he was ever going to find out, it had to be then. He left today. Sure, he promises we'll talk, keep in touch. He promises we'll see each other when he's home for Christmas. He promises he'll be back. And maybe, maybe I will see him for Christmas. Maybe I will see him afterwards, maybe we'll be best friends for the rest of our lives. Maybe our engagement joke will one day come true. Nobody knows, there are no guarantees. And maybe if you're an optimist you'll believe all that. But maybe you won't. Maybe, that long hug we shared when I left him at his home was the last we'll ever share. Maybe the tears in both our eyes as we smiled and pretended we were ok was the last emotion we'll see on each others faces. Maybe the way he stopped, turned and waved, every 10 seconds as I went down his driveway was the last goodbye I'll ever remember. Maybe the way he tickled me was the last laugh about it we'll ever share. Maybe that shirt he wore will be the last I remember him in. Maybe the way he held that kitten, held me, will be the last compassion I'll see on him. Maybe we'll never see each other again, maybe we'll never speak. Maybe years down the road we'll be saying "*first name* who?" Maybe.. maybe that goodbye, was our final goodbye. Because there are no guarantees. If he was ever going to know.. that was the moment.
No guarantees.. none. Not even with the length of our life. Someone you know and love, could one day just, be declared dying. Without even them having a clue. Cancer, maybe. Although in reality, the day we were born, we started to die. But we won't know when.
There are no guarantees.
It honestly gets me thinking, because, it’s true… there aren’t. And I did tell something I swore I never would. And it wasn’t the end of the world. That makes me think, why don’t I always do that? Why wait until a moment when there’s nothing anyone can do? If I’m not satisfied with something I have, I shouldn’t keep it. I should go after what I TRULY want. And, if I try, and fail, at least I can’t say I never tried. At least I will know that I didn’t hold anything back, that I gave it a fair shot. And who knows? Maybe if I try, I can actually get what I really want. We only live once, why not live it with no regrets?
It really makes me wonder why I don’t live like this. And even though I wonder, I know I never will. Because it’s not who I am, and it’s not what I do. And I’m not sure I could, even if I wanted. Which brings me back the beginning… because if I really wanted it, I’d do whatever it took… no fears, no regrets. But I do have fears, and sadly they stop me from striving for what I yearn for.
Oh how I wish things would have happened so differently, I tried to save it so many times but you still couldn’t see. You kept insistin and resistin that you would not fall again. And now you’re tryin to tell me that you’re sorry, and your tryin to come back home. You’re tellin me you really need me, crying, beggin, both knees are on the floor. But baby…
I don’t wanna try, don’t wanna try no more. You keep insisting when you know our love is out the door. Don’t wanna try, don’t wanna try cuz all we do is fight and say the things that hurt so bad to when we both begin to cry. Don’t wanna try, don’t wanna try I ‘bout just had enough, it’s been a rough road, baby just let it go. Don’t wanna try, don’t wanna try no more, tell me what’s the use of holdin on when all we do is hurt our love?
April 1st, 2005
|03:22 pm - Just to update a bit...|
This post is from Easter Sunday, on my xanga.. I realized I hadda update you LJ'rs a bit.
Where there is LOVE… there is LIFE.
So my uncle had his surgery Good Friday to attempt to get rid of his prostrate cancer. He came home today.
he says he's feeling fine.. he also says he doesn't feel much pain. I say he's one of the biggest bullshitters I know.. buuut, he is a guy and he needs to to protect his pride.
I sure hope he's honestly feeling OKAY though..I mean, it is Easter.. and he had to miss it. Which is sad, and I feel bad for him. But I'm really glad he's at least home now and doing better than he was. Hopefully the next couple weeks will bring some great news and he won't ever have to worry about any of this stuff anymore.
Didn't feel much like Easter today. I was a little bummed out.
However, church was kind of nice. I at least got to see Billy and Becca for awhile. And thank God Paula served, otherwise I would have been stuck with kids all like 4 years younger than me, reaching to about my bellybutton in height.
And Chris N. offered me a job this summer, working as an intern for the newspaper... ugh, I have to decide between that and Chillers. Both have same hours and such. However, I've been at Chillers for 4 years, and I think I'd miss it a lot. Besides, I might be doing a once a week day shift for the editorial section of the paper this summer with Frogg and some of the other guys from the News-Item. Soooo... I don't know.
A weird thing is happening.. I'm so talkative.. on here, however I haven't really said much all day long. I feel like I keep dragging this on, and even though I'm typing a lot.. I'm not really saying anything. Like I'm hiding something.. then again.. I suppose, with my mask.. I always am. And perhaps today, after all that's going on, it's just a liiittle bit harder to pretend I'm okay as I fool everyone into believing.
Yet, I just told you this.. which, is another weird thing. Strangeness is all over me today. But itz not Lindsay-Strange...it's just.. strange.
I feel like I lost a friend too... actually, I feel like I lost a couple friends. Sadly, some that really mean/meant a lot to me. With one, I feel like I'm just not good enough anymore, and they've found someone better. With another, they all of a sudden can't seem to be nice to me for more than 3 minutes, for no apparent reason. Yet another just found a significant other and it seems that I'm history. Another kind of drifted away after a problem with blurred lines between best friends and a little more. Still one more, I just.. don't see as often as I used to, and they only ever talk about silly things to me anymore as opposed to the nice meaningful convo's we used to have. And this new one.. well.. they kept a secret from me, and I found out and we had a bit of a disagreement, I was hurt, but I still love them dearly.. and I feel like they're leaving me.
In a better light, I'm becoming closer to one friend I already cared for. And an old friend from the past seems to be making a slight reappearance, hopefully one that will last and become stronger. But that hardly compensates. I still miss the others... some I truly miss a lot. And as happy as I am for these new friends, I'm much sadder for the loss of old ones.
uuggghhhh... I'll have more pics soon. And I'm gonna start posting the surgery story. I'm actually quite proud..the writing's not terrible.
Anyhow.. I'm doing that not shutting up, but not saying a word thing.
Funny.. because I can't think of anything to say on aim.. (sorry Nate/Rory..)
I guess I'm gone for now. Hope you all had a nice Easter.
My love, look at what you've done to me. For someone who has felt so strong, it's amazing I'm completely gone.
Current Mood: weird
March 28th, 2005
|02:28 pm - thank Jamie for this... :-P|
Oddly enough, I seem to use my cleavage a little too often.. and the words "kicking arse". Hmmm...
Since I stole this from Jamie, he gets to be first. :-)
haha, enjoy. :-)
Hope everyone had a nice holiday.
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: What A Good Boy- Barenaked Ladies
March 27th, 2005
|12:18 am - Eaaasstteeerrr|
I love you guys!
http://www.it.dev.duke.edu/tmp/I_Like_You.swf ...he says it better than I do. So check it out. ;-)
I could use some commentzzz people! and some more hugs. :-)
Current Mood: meh
Current Music: True- Ryan Cabrera